In the interest of keeping alive my tradition of yearly rants, this years dialogue is a result of the ignorance and stupidity that people display when using popular social media sites (a.k.a. Facebook, Twitter, SnapChat, Instagram, etc). Granted, some people just don't quite understand what it is that they are doing, be it due to lack of tech savvy or that they just want to do it because "everyone else is doing it". But being the fact that my entire life revolves around technology, including and most importantly my ability to support and sustain my family's needs, comforts and well-being, I have comprised the following list of things NOT to do one these popular social media sites.
Set your profile to PRIVATE instead of PUBLIC
This is the easiest way for hackers and scammers to use your profile to extort money from your friends and family. If your profile is set to "Public" then anyone with an internet connection can see not only you, but your friends and family, all of your posts, and all of your pictures too. This is enough information to give them the ability to create a duplicate profile where they send out friend requests to all of your friends and family. Once they do this (and your friends/family accept) they now have a clear doorway into sending a followup message telling them how you took a last minute trip to Brazil but lost your passport and wallet and need money to get home. Whether you believe it or not, there will be people who fall for this and run to the bank to withdraw a couple hundred dollars to wire over to you (or at least they THINK that it's you). Meanwhile you're sitting in the lunchroom at work without a clue that your sister just wired $500 to some scammer thinking it was going to you to help you get home. So what's the downside of setting your profile to "Private"? That schoolmate who you haven't seen in 30 years can't see anything that you post unless they send you a friend request first. Meanwhile they're whole purpose in getting in touch with you in the first place is to show you pictures of their grand kids (see the third one in this list).
Don't post anything that you wouldn't want anyone other than your immediate family and closest friends to see
NOTHING that is posted on the internet is EVER deleted, removed or otherwise disposed of. The second you click that button, whatever you just posted is immediately harvested by hundreds of technology robots and put into a database somewhere for later analysis. Even if you go back into that post and click to delete it (thinking that you never have to worry about someone seeing it again) it is still there...you just don't see it where you think it that it was. As a Senior Software Engineer with over 20 years in the industry I can assure you that whatever you posted is still there. How do I know? It is a common practice is almost every software ever written (including websites which are also software applications) to mark something as deleted rather than actually deleting it.
When the web page loads, it only displays the things that do not have the "deleted" marking. A simple example of this is in a program that handles sales transactions (like checking out at the grocery store). If my store sold 100 cans of corn in the first week, but then half way through the month the store quit selling cans of corn and I deleted it from the software, when the manager runs a sales report at the end of the month it would show the money that came in from each can of corn sale, but no product going out of inventory. But, if the product wasn't deleted, but rather marked as "no longer for sale", it would not show up in the inventory, but would still be available for the monthly report. Read that again if you have to, but you can see why things aren't simply deleted.
But what does that have to do with my FaceBook posts? Well, let's think about that. Your information (regardless of how meaningless you think it is) is used to build a profile of you for the sole purpose of selling you something (a.k.a. targeted advertising). So, when you post pics of your family vacation is Disney, suddenly you start seeing ads for Disney products. Your posts from the local car show suddenly produce pictures of automotive products. Pictures of that doe and young fawn magically kick off hunting products from local sporting goods stores. Get the idea? How do you think they know that you might be in the market for some landscaping products after you posted pictures of the new deck that your husband and his brother just built onto the back of your house?
Don't flood my feed with 50 pictures of you and/or your kid(s) every day
Your kids are just that....YOUR kids. No one wants to see pictures of his/her every waking moment. Yet you feel it necessary to post multiple pictures (all taken within a short period of time) from varying angles to say nothing more than "Look at what Johnny learned today!!! Isn't he so adorable?!?" Unless your child is a prodigy and can either play Beethoven's Fifth at 8mo. old, or finally figured out a way to stop world hunger while eating Goldfish and drinking Juicy Juice, I'll let you in on a little secret....NO ONE CARES!!! No one but your grandmother who has nothing better to do than knit a stocking cap for Johnny's first Christmas and wait for your next picture of him to come across her cheap $79 tablet that you bought her just so she could see him. It can be likened to the days where you'd be sitting next to someone who snaps out their wallet with 30 pictures of their grand kids expecting you do go crazy over how cute they are. Meanwhile you're thinking in the back of your mind "How the hell do I get away from them without appearing that I really don't give a sh*t about pictures of their grand kids?". Yea, it's like that. So for the love of God, if you feel the necessity to overload your wall with pictures of dear little Johnny, click the option to only share with Grandma and Aunt Betty and not the rest of the cognitive world.
Don't post self-gratifying selfies
So you're trying to lose weight, or show off that new dress that you just bought...GREAT!!! But if you honestly think that taking the picture from that oddly high angle, and making sure that no one can see the "love handles" that you obviously still have (even though you claim that you've lost 30lbs in the last week), you're only fooling yourself and making yourself look stupid. Holding the camera above your head, looking up in what you believe is a sexy and seductive pose, does nothing more than prove how desperate you are for people to compliment you in a vain attempt to make yourself feel better. You're not fooling anyone, and the quicker to understand that the faster you can get to focusing on what actually with help you achieve your ultimate goal. I'm all for people wanting to better themselves, and I don't pass judgment on anyone honestly trying to do so. I applaud the efforts of someone legitimately doing whatever they can to improve themselves in any aspect. But for those who claim one thing, and try to post "proof" that their efforts are "paying off", all you are doing is embarrassing yourself without even knowing that you're doing it. Comments of "You look great!!!" and "Keep up the good work!!" are nothing more than people trying to say something nice when what they're really thinking is "How stupid do you think I am?". Save yourself (and the rest of us) the aggravation of dealing with your insecurities. There's enough other REAL problems we need to focus on then what size pants you wear this week.
Don't post the same pics with slightly different people
So your daughter is pregnant, or you just bought the car that you've always wanted. That's awesome, and congratulations. Why the hell do you feel it necessary to post 5 pics with different people standing next to her rubbing her stomach, or 4 different people behind the wheel? Do you honestly think that people want to see that? Do they NEED to see that? The ultimate answer is NO!!! Hmmmm...let's take a picture of Suzie and Mom. Ok, now you get in there Dad. Now a pic with both Mom AND Dad. Hey Aunt Gertie, it's your turn now. Oh, we can't forget Uncle Melvin and and Loulou. Now let's take all the photos we just took of Suzie standing there with a big, fake smile with everyone touching her unborn child and post them on FaceBook, because EVERYONE wants to see the entire family and how much we can't wait for the baby to get here. We just want to show the entire world how much Suzie is loved. And don't forget we're going to do the same thing next week because she'll be in her second trimester, and Lord forbid we miss taking the same pictures all over again.
Don't use social media to try and make up for real life situations
You and your sister had blowout of a fight. You said something that hurt your friend's feelings and they won't talk to you. Rather than changing your profile picture to the last vacation that you went on together, or posting a picture of "If you have the best sister in the world, share this flower", how about you pick up the phone or (in the age of technology) send them a text message telling them that you want to talk about it. There's nothing more insulting then a public display of your ignorant and vain attempt to reach out to someone. No one else may know why you're posting that picture, but the person you've hurt does, and by doing so you're doing nothing but slapping them in the face even more. Yea, they may have told you never to talk to them again, but in reality that's exactly what they want you to do. They want you to show them how much they really mean to you, and how much you really do care.
Don't keep posting politically charged content every chance you get
So your candidate didn't win the last election, and you think there were outside influences for why they lost. You think the other candidate should be locked in a dungeon and fed moldy bread and water imported from Flint, Mi. I get it...and so does the rest of your friends and family. The First Amendment protects your freedom of speech, and you can say whatever you want to. Yes, it's your page, and if people don't like it then they don't have to read it. But the reality is yes we do have to read it, because that's how the posting system is designed to work. We have to read (or at least see) every single post that you put out there, unless we click to not see ANY posts that you put out there. So don't get pissed when I don't comment on your post about you buying a new house, or landing that dream job, because I didn't see the posts since I "unfollowed" you after your political rant about how Russia hacked the election, and the 47 links that you posted proving it. He/she is our president, and there's nothing you and your 391 posts are going to do about it except piss me off to the point where I say screw you!
So there you have this years rant, and the list that makes it up. I may add a few more items to the list, no check back if you think that you may miss something.
And if you're offended by anything that I said, I really don't care, and neither should you. There's a reason why it's called the "Royal pussification of America", and you taking offense to my opinions and beliefs only proves how ignorant and self-indulgent you really are.
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